#holy moly i cant believe im doing this

[libbys-braincell-loss]

Me have brainrot! :D

so im gonna rate and talk abt everything i like about the TOH designs in the timeskip!

!! SPOILER WARNING! cant believe i forgot to add that- !!

Please dont say i skipped anyone im only doing the main ones i cant do everybody oki lets a go

Keep in mind that im just simping over the character designs and im incapable of finding any flaws about them and im just eating the designs up and i cant speak negatively about any of the designs, all my criticism is positive

Sorry that this is long lol

STARTING OFF WITH LUZ NOCEDA

She got a chin now?? Slay

The shirt from the pilot?? Heck yeah

AMITY'S MOON NECKLACE?? Whys no one talking about that? Thats so cute

SHE HAS ANOTHER CUTE LIL EAR PIERCING YAY

Her jacket looks abomination colored, i feel like amity made it for her lol

And the abomination cat patch on her pants lol so cute

i love her mascara she looks so great nkdjncs

10/10

AMITYYYY

She really takes after her dad with the looks

The ponytail, the crystals in her hair

Less things for me to analyze but she looks great

I love how her mouth became more of a V as she got older

Love her design

10/10

WILLOW!!

Badass goddess

I love the new glasses and the haircut

Shes so strong plz carry me princess style hjfjsn

SPIKES ON HER KNEE?? Hell yea

Also the flapjack tattoo

All the hexsquad has em but Willow's and Hunter's is easiest to see

And Luz but the pic doesnt show it

10/10 Willow looks so cool

gus :]

HE GOT A REAL GLOW UP HOLY MOLY

You could barely tell it was him, until you saw the palisman and his expression when he pulled out a paperclip, thats a dead give away

I love his hair and glasses :00 he looks awesome

10/10

humter :D

He looks so happy 🥺

HE HAS PATCHES FROM WILLOW GUS AND DARIUS HOW COOL IS THAT

His shoes dont match at all but hey he looks great nonetheless

The flapjack tattoo :sobs:

10/10

PIRATE EDA PIRATE EDA PIRATE EDA

She looks so great

I kinda wish she got an abomination hand prosthetic, but ngl, a hook for a hand is DEF more Eda

I have nothing else so say except for the fact she looks great

I love how she has Raine's earring

10/10

LILITH!!!!!1!!1!1!!

She has no right to look that gorgeous wth

She looks so formal and SNAZZY

LOVE the earring

LOVE the coat

LOVE LOVE LOVE how her hair grew out more, it looks much better that when it was cut before

Not to mention her Harpy form

AAAAAA

LILY YOU LOOK GREAT QUEEN AAAA

10/10

RAINEEEE

The scars :sobs:

THE EARRINGS

THE COAT

THE HAIR

you are just so full of style, your majesty

10/10

KING IS BEEG NOW

im not sure how the horns work tho cuz one of the horns is simply glued back on, shouldnt it remain the same size as before the timeskip cuz that horn isnt connected like before

Thats the only flaw

BUT OVERALL BROSKI YOU LOOK GREAT

HES MORE FUZZY

10/10

I cant add any more pics but id like to rate Vee 10/10 and i find it cool that she has the Human Witch Exchange Program Tshirt on and i love her longer hair and nose piercing

And everyone else not listed here also gets 10/10 cuz everyone looks great

Ok thats all now lol thx for reading

[glitterliver07]

the improvement

im literally going to be a senior. four years of highschool. holy shit i cant even believe it. what do you mean after this year im technically done. im technically done with school after this year unless i decide to go further.. but holy moly??..

[zenlesszonezero]

Join Zenless Zone Zero with Tsukishiro Yanagi, the deputy leader of Hollow Special Operations Section 6! Beneath her ordinary office lady exterior lies a meticulous, emotionally intelligent big sister to the team.

[luvsellie]

LUVSELLIE’S 2K FOLLOWER EVENT — CLOSED

note holy moly. I CANT BELIEVE IM EVEN MAKING THIS I HIT 1K LIKE THREE MONTHS AGO WHAT THE HECK! however, in all seriousness, thank you so much for being here and reading my work. every comment and reblog is deeply appreciated <3

completed works

rules pick a set of lyrics & character, get a scenario

characters ellie williams (the last of us), neteyam sully (avatar), jj maybank (outer banks)

lyric options listed below

“that little lady sittin’ on the passenger side, it’s much less picturesque without her catchin’ the light” — arabella by arctic monkeys

“feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, i lay my heart down with the rest at her feet” — angel of small death and the codeine scene by hozier

“say my name and every color illuminates” — spectrum by florence + the machine

“i wanna kiss you, but if i do then i might miss you, babe” — lovegame by lady gaga

“i’m starvin’ darlin’, let me put my lips to somethin’” — eat your young by hozier

“it feels good to know you’re mine” — be quiet and drive (far away) by deftones

“fight so dirty but your love’s so sweet, talk so pretty but your heart got teeth” — teeth by 5 seconds of summer

“and i’m gonna see my man until i am satisfied” — me and the devil by soap&skin

“there’s just inches in between us, i want you to give in. there is tension in between us, i just want to give in” — shameless by camila cabello

“lick me up and take me like a vitamin, ‘cause my body’s sweet like sugar venom” — radio by lana del rey

[themediummultiverseau]

Will papyrus ever be included in the storyline, maybe sans opening up to him about it, or he gets suspicious about sans's behavior and corners him or something?

Aaaand are there any prominent side characters that we'll see?

Papyrus notices that his brother has been leaving the house more, and at first, hes overjoyed! Sans was finally leaving the house! But, he realised after a while, that he always dodged the question as to where he was going. (Sans, being the secretive little fuck that he is, refuses to tell anyone about the ghosts.) Worried, Papyrus follows him one day, only to find him walking al the way to the park. And then he just stops, and starts talking to air.

Papyrus is CONCERNED (tm,) and goes back home to wait for Sans to come home. It takes him HOURS to come back, (he visits everyone he can,) and, when confronted, he once again try to avoid the questions.

Papyrus says he followed him, saw him talking to air, and was considering getting him professional help, his depression had been bad before, and if he was starting to see things now as well...

Sans is forced to tell the truth.

And he does. For the next few hours they sit and talk about the ghosts. Papyrus want to believe him, really, he does! But he cant help but still be worried, so says takes his phone out and googles "Nightmare - Prince" and shows him the results. He then goes through the lot of them, showing death reports, news articles, anything that appears really, and Papyrus finally believes him.

From then on, he insists Sans takes something for them every time he visits, and often makes them food to give (more often that not, its spaghetti,) and asks how they're doing. Sometimes, they go and Sans acts as a medium, for them, so Papyrus and the ghosts can talk directly.

Killer and Dream especially take a liking to him, while Dust is pretty scared of him (he looks way to much like his won brother its actually scary,) and always ask how he is when Sans comes without him.

Side characters.. It depends what you mean by that.

Every Sans you could ever want can exist here, they just might not haunt the town,

(i got lazy when drawing here, so its just a messy sketch but yk)

(Red - shot, epic - shrapnel, Fresh - car crash, Outer - fell)

Alternatively, most of the ghosts had family members, most of them had a Papyrus look alike, (Papyrus isn't reincarnated here, but every Sans deserves a Papyrus, even fate believes it so)

(Nim (Dream and Nightmares mother, Queen), Phantom (Dusts brother,) Horror had lots of siblings, ect...)

Buuut, while many of the original Undertale cast have been spread out throughout the years, Toriel, Chara and Frisk are all based in the present time.

Toriel, after the death of her son, adopts two kids, twins, who were considered "difficult" children, (really there were disabled, but why would they care about that, - Chara has some mental issues, and Frist is mute and has sight problems.) They're lovely kids , and they visit quite regularly, typically with their mother. Sans was named their Godfather (Papyrus was considered, but he told them Sans was a better choice, ) because Toriel knew he'd love them.

Sans and Toriel met at a comedy gig, both preforming on the same day, and became friends instantly over their shared love of stupid puns. (They're not together, this universe has no canonical relationships, everyting's platonic here, but ships are totally allowed and welcome if you wanted lol.)

Holy moly, that was a lot of work lmao, would you believe it, i dont think ive ever actually drawn Papyrus before? I have no idea why, just havent, ill have to do more so in the future cus hes fun.

Ive also never tried to draw anyone from the angle Sans is at in the first drawing, think it looks fine as long as you ignore the feet lol.

No, i didnt get lazy drawing the ghost in the first, it was a stylistic choice! /j /sarcasm, also, Hi, im Whisp, i hate backgrounds!)

Please excuse me attempt at drawing a wimple for Nim and the tricorned hat for Phantom, they're very difficult!

All of Horrors siblings there don't have names, they were just designed on the spot really, so if anyone has and names for them, ill take them on board!

But hope it all looks okay, this is all full of firsts lol. Have a lovely day everyone! :)

[heyharoldsboo]

I know you will hate me for this question and im sorry about it, but do you ever even for a second think “whay if were wrong? What if were defending someone awful?”… because something for a flick of a second this thought comes back to me. And its is mainly because two of the grils have said nothing for weeks.

but the truth is I cant stand kayla and aries amd every time i think of them i just stop believeing wtv bullshit they try to spinz their attitudes are discusting and i dont feel for them. Plus i think Aries has some serious mental health issues. I went through her old tweets from years ago and i dont know if shes better now but before holy moly. I hope she gets the help she needs. And btw she IS the reddit poster lol. Not gonna say why but if you scrool far back enough in her tweets from years ago you will figure it out, unless she deleted them now.

so yeah sometimes i still feel bad because well desiree got raped and thats awful and we dont really know what went down between him and karis.

I could never hate you, duckling! Unless you were being awful to me, but that's not the case.

I posted a few weeks ago, right as it began and I took a stance, that if I was wrong about it I would own it and apologise. But honestly (and people may judge me for this, but idc), it's not a thought that has crossed my mind ever since I saw where this all came from. I really dig deep on this, and I found the burner accounts and the "my friend told me about this" stories, right as it began.

I mean, it's awful what happened to Desiree. But her trying to pin it on Percy while she knows and protected her abusers??? Too much for me to feel pity. She can't right a wrong by commiting another wrong.

I try not to get into the whole Aries debacle. I feel disgusted by her, and I don't like speaking about it. Her spreading the CP and laughing about it all, it's something that I will never forget.

Whatever bullshit that happened between him and Karis... should really have stayed in High School. That's all I'm saying.

But yeah, to sum it up, I don't have the doubting thought. I had the disbelief moment of "I can't believe this, he always seemed so sweet, he helped me so much", the "I need to figure this out moment" and the current one of "I have to help him somehow".

Hope I helped, duckling <3

[idyllic-affections]

AHHHHHHH I LOVE IT❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Holy moly it’s actually out!? I cant believe it. It’s so good! First of all, i love how you just made the atmosphere so cold, yk what i mean. As writers, we have to set the mood to whatever fits the context. You did that perfectly. The mood was so cold and have that subtle unsettling feel to it yk? Like you’re never safe even when the doctor is gone. I also love how you characterized the reader, i love how they have this big cold reputation going on but when in reality, they are one of the (or maybe the only) warmest person in there. They were so kind to the test subjects, making them feel human for once and how they helped their coworkers, even when if the roles were reversed and they may not help them. They dont have do it yet they still do and i feel that’s just who they are in the core. I just love that

Also yes i am the one who sent the request that inspired it. I even still have the screenshot i took (idk why i do that, its been something i do since i started sending requests, i think so i wont forget i did send that request?) I’m literally amazed on how you made that request into this.

Again, im just awestruck with this. I cant wait for another chapter! Hope to see Collei in the next one! Have a lovely day/night aph!

(P.s. so im not sure if you talked about it or im remembering things wrong but doesnt the full blood khaenri’ahns go a bit crazy? Like Erosion, dont they erode? How is Eir still sane after all this time?)

- 🐱 Anon

HIII DEAR I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT ESPECIALLY KNOWING NOW THAT YOU ARE THE ANON WHO SENT THE REQ 🫶🫶🫶💕💗💕💗💖💕💘💕💗✨️💕💘💗💕💘💕💕💘💗💖✨️💕💕

YOU GET IT FR [name] is, quite possibly, the nicest person working in the lab. yes, if you make a mistake, they'll glare at you disdainfully and verbally berate you, but... they will help you fix it, even if they don't want to. they won't leave you for dead (unless you're krupp or elchingen LMFAO).

and with the test subjects... [name] is just so beloved by them. all the test subjects, even those who were regrettably brought in by [name] themselves, trust them and feel safe and human with them.

[name] is kind. they're just a little bit jaded and bitter.

and yes, we will be seeing collei soon hehe <3

(regarding eir, their degradation manifests mostly physically! eir's body is suffering. they have a hard time traveling long distances and their body always hurts and their head is often pounding. so, while they are mentally intact, their body is suffering from the curse.)

[zenlesszonezero]

Join Zenless Zone Zero with Tsukishiro Yanagi, the deputy leader of Hollow Special Operations Section 6! Beneath her ordinary office lady exterior lies a meticulous, emotionally intelligent big sister to the team.

[berryunho]

okay i know its already the end of january 1st but allow me to reflect on 2022 for a moment ! so ! if you want my sentimental ramblings feel free to read but LAKSJDFLKSJD

SO BASICALLY. the answer turned one year old in 2022. i started posting in april 2021. and thus she turned one in april. idk exactly what the stats were in april but i know that at the start of the year she was ~70k words and had ~3000 hits and like ~70 kudos. keep that in mind. KAJLFDKSJFJKL im really not like. a numbers person like. its motivating for sure when i know i have an audience but i dont let it get to me if things are down for whatever reason and anyways i thought that those numbers were CRAZYYYYY. like i was already out of my mind insane at the thought of so many people liking my fic and i was just so . thankful . and i still am !

but.... i felt that i was... missing something...... like ao3 is amazing and wonderful and i love it but.... i wanted more Connection! i wanted to be easier to talk to and more of a Real Person to my readers lol so i made my tumblr this year! and i waited a bit to start crossposting just bc i was such a huge chore and... i was really scared... but once i did the response was so immediate and so wonderful that i couldnt believe i didnt do it earlier !!!! like genuinely tumblr has been everything ive ever hoped for it to be and more and its so so so lovely to be here and i just !!!!! like sheesh . i had a blog long ago (like. 2014-2018.) and i just ... dont remember tumblr being like this then lol

and anyways. i feel like ive become a Real Fanfiction Writer now. like it is INSANE to me to think that there are people that look up to me like i used to look up to ff writers like .... YOU MEAN IM THAT PERSON TO SOME PEOPLE?????? I GET ANONS? I GET ASKS? REPLIES? DMS? PEOPLE WANT TO TALK TO ME ON THE MERIT THAT I CREATED SOMETHING THEY LIKE? holy moly baby. i still am so awkward w ff authors that arent my bffies bc i literally forget that i am ff authors. like i am in that crew now. KALJSDL;FKJSDLF so crazy so if you are a fellow writer reading this and we are moots and we've never spoken trust it is bc im just awkward i probably love you and your writing LKJALDSKFJLASDKJF

and like ... speaking of my bffies ... idk if theyll read this but hi if you do i cant say these things directly to you bc i have issues but. the 2 months that we have been friends have been very wonderful and i have very much loved getting to know you guys and i hope you like me bc you are STUCK w me now ! i wuv u or ... something ALKDSJFALKSDJ thank you tumblr for bringing us together KAJSDLFKJSLD

and ANYWAYS FOR REAL NOW the answer now is 144k. claps to me for doubling the length <3 and she has. 280 kudos. and 11,426 hits. and like i said. the numbers dont get me very much. what gets me is the fact that so many people have called the answer their favorite fanfic. people have complimented my writing style. people thank me for my work. people tell me that they hope im well out of the blue. people tell me that ive scared them people tell me ive made them cry people tell me their heart beats faster when they read people tell me they love my characters people tell me they love my writing and my mind and JUST ASKDLFJASDFJKLSLDFJ THAT IS WHAT GETS ME !!!! thats why i love tumblr and thats what im thankful for going into 2023 and i hope that this year i can continue to be a writer that you all love or at least enjoy and if not that ... tolerate ig ALKSDJFAKSDJ

SIGNED YOUR FAVORITE HOTTEOK (agree w me.)/AUTHOR OF THE ANSWER/BERRYUNHO/EGGYLEGGY/ lauren <3

[loopeyfluff]

JEN UVE ACTUALLY DONE SOO GOOD WITH THIS THANKUUU FOR UR HARD WORRKKKK OTL

right off the bat the amount of judgement you captured in his expression is alrdy sending me XD.

tho,,,,,,,,,, tbf,,,,, thats a really pretty lookin block of charcoal,,,,, look at them textures,,,, yummy,,,, PFPEFTE DONT LOOK AT ME

I LOVEE the flow of the second page, and the goals being crossed off at the top is a real clever way at helping 2 convey that movie montage energy!!!

THIS MAN IS SO SQUISHABLE. also bro this literally looks like i screenshotted this from a manga what. top tier reaction image right here. Tage is not being paid enough to deal with his shit LMAO

BROOO THIS IS SO CLEVER WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PANEL SEPERATION!!! I love how you curved the panel like that!!!! The sense of flow goes HARD. Just the creeping of flames from aces hand up his arm into the skies looks so so gnarly, and then to have all that momentum killed off at the end with the splash of water peofsidtt. THAT SPLASH PANEL LOOKS RLLY GOOD BY THE WAY ITS ALSO ONE OF MY FAVE PANELS. what a soppy wet cat. BEAST.

ahhh jen this is truly a thing i think you communicated really well in this comic. Sabo's trauma was handled really proficiently, it's not like RIGHT IN UR FACE OBVIOUS, but the way some little things tick him off- even when they're right next to the ocean and everything is okay,,, it feels so grounded to reality. Like the subtle shift in demeanor is esp done well over here!!!

THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SABOS FROM THE COMIC!!! HE LOOKS SO GOOD HERE U DONT EVEN KNOW., THE CROSSHATCHING ON HIS GLOVES AND AROUND HIS EYES AND ESP THE BG??? SUCH SCRUMPTIOUS STUFF.

IM ALSO just a really big fan of how you framed the circle of tension getting smaller behind him??? like the way its all jagged in rows makes it looks like hes trying to suck all the stress back into himself instead of leaking it out. IDK VRY CLEVER IMAGERY

im obsessed with this eye shots i feel like they do sooo much and they look soooo goood IM OBSESSED

jen the girls r arguing i cant keep watching. im scared IM SCARED MOM PICK ME UP T O T!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHFASEGHSDHUGSDGUSDFGs. I THINK U DID SUUUCH A GOOD JOB WRITING THEIR SCUFFLE THAT IT ACTUALLY PAINS ME TO READ CAUSE I CAN JUST FEEL HOW TIRED AND EXHAUSTED THEY ARE AND HOW SCARED SABO HAS BEEN AND HOW ALL OF THAT FEAR AND WORRY IS MAKING THEM TURN AGAINST EACH OTHER AND IT KILLS ME IM DEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDD

boop

i really just need to reiterate that I LOVE how you have controlled the pacing of tension thruout this comic. I think this page brilliantly sets up the climax in the NEXT page (my fave). oeughehg it never feels good to have someone yell at you. The way the flames raise up into suffocating blackness,,,, GODDD THE MIC DROP ON THE NEXT PAGE IS SRSLY SO GOOD

no words. just. you captured sabo's fears so well. (also the fire just looks so stunning on ace srsly, the mixings of greyish and black to the bright white looks AMAZING)

AHAH AHAHHFAHFHAFHHAHAH

AHHAHAHAHHAh

AHAHHFAHSFHASFHUASHUYFHUAHHAHAHAH

jen open the door i just wanna talk just OPEN THE DOOR

he actually looks so shaken here, like, im never gonna be okay again,,,,,,,,,,,,,, my heart hurts,,,, AND THEN THE WAY HE BACKS UP IN THE PANEL BELOW??? LIKE?????????????? OMGGG THATS UR BROTHHERRRR DONT GO AWAY T O T!!! BUT HES SOOO SCARED!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i am being so fr when i say im never forgiving you. this was. INSANE. TETSAETGSDGSDGSDFGsDGgdsg. UAWFASDUGUIDSFGSAETUSDG. STOPPP I CANT BELIEVE U REUSED THE PANELS LIKE THAT. UR KILLINMG ME. THE EMPTINESS OF THE LEFT PANEL CAUSE SABO HAS ALRDY RUN AWYA. THIS IS LIKE SOOOO CLEVER JEN UR BRAIN IS HUMMMOUUUNGOUS HOLY MOLY. I CANT GET OVER THIS IM ENDING IT ALL AWRUHFASETGHUSDFGHUAHRFSYUGAWUHRFDSAHUG

not to completely look away from all the drama that just happened but i rlly like how u drew the leaves n curtain :DDD ur hatching works sooo well with this kinda background work!!! rlly nice stuff :DDD

Fire (Part 2)

<- (PREV) (NEXT) ->

(Spade Pirate Sabo AU Masterpost)

And that is!! 18 of 18 pages!! It's this long because I didn't want to break up their fight. I hope you enjoy :)

I had to rewrite their fight like,,, 3 times lmao. I'm not very good at writing fights because I'm Incredibly Passive Aggressive and Very Non Confrontational. Thankfully my partner helped me out a bit with making the escalation feel natural, so hopefully their grievances and motivations read well. In the end, both of them are starving probably-emotionally-stunted teenage boys in a high-stress situation, and Tage is being faced constantly with one of the biggest sources of his trauma that he doesn't even remember-- of course he's going to lash out.

Fun thing I learned this time around, if I struggle with planning a chapter, it can kind of help to write it out in prose like I would a fanfic, and then translate it to comic form. This is how I eventually ended up with 18 pages of comic,,, because I can't really estimate how much I'll need to draw when I'm writing in prose. In turn, this did help a lot with adding more natural behaviors between dialogue, like Tage tapping his finger to fidget while crossing his arm, or all of their pointing and gesturing while they're arguing.

[pesterloglog]

Jane Crocker, Jake English, Roxy Lalonde, Fefetasprite

Act 6, page 5521-5540

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Greetings!

GG: Oh. Hello, Jake.

GT: Im not interrupting anything am i?

GG: Um, not really? Roxy and I are just setting a few things up here.

GT: Ah i see. I would be happy to message you again later if it would spare you any inconvenience.

GG: No, it's fine! It's really nice to hear from you, actually.

GG: I was starting to worry you might have forgotten.

GT: Uh.

GT: Forgotten?

GG: Oh no...

GT: Forgotten what now?

GG: Never mind.

GT: Wait dont tell me.

GT: Is it a tomb or a crypt or somesuch? Are you preparing for another grist seeking expedition??

GT: Oh shit did you schedule my assistance for the raid and i forgot all about it???

GG: No, Jake.

GG: We didn't need your help raiding a tomb. But thanks for thinking of us.

GG: I don't know what this clueless pair of damsels would do without you.

GT: Blast.

GT: Well what in the name of willy howard tafts great tub choking bottom could i be forgetting then?

GT: This is going to drive me CRAZY! Can you give me a hint?

GG: Yes. It has to do with the day I was born, which was almost exactly sixteen years ago.

GT: Of course! Your birthday!!!

GG: Didn't you get Roxy's invitation?

GG: It was my understanding that she gave you and Dirk notice weeks ago.

GT: Yes thats right. Now i remember. The date sure snuck up on us quick didnt it?

GT: Sorry you know how things can slip my mind. The gourd on my shoulders isnt the steel trap it used to be. Nothing like the well oiled puzzlebuster you've got up there.

GG: Mm.

GT: Well damn.

GT: Looks like the egg monster took quite the spirited dump on my face this time.

GG: Jake. I... what?

GT: I feel so dumb. Ill be right over.

GG: Well, if you recall, the party is actually tomorrow.

GG: Like I said, we're just setting a few things up.

GG: Roxy is putting up some decorations. I baked a cake. You were of course free to join us early too. I just thought since I hadn't heard from you in quite some time, you had better things to do.

GT: You baked a cake for your own party?

GG: Yes. So?

GT: I dont know something seems amiss about that. Isnt that against tradition or inviting bad luck or something?

GT: But I guess it makes sense since you love baking cakes. Its like a present you give to yourself!

GG: Jake, what was it you actually wanted?

GT: Oh. I just wanted to get your advice on some stuff.

GT: But since ive been a heel and forgotten about your party maybe i shouldnt bother you with that?

GG: Mmm.

GT: So sixteen big ones huh! The ole sweet sixteen.

GT: Last one of us to notch the vaunted one sixer. Its a big step! I knew youd make it, i always said i believed in you didnt i?

GT: Just kidding, the inexorable nature of times passage virtually assured you would get that old so you didnt really have anything to do with it. I mean not that i dont still believe in you, i do.

GG: ...

GT: I cant believe its already been...

GT: How long?

GT: What, like a year already since we entered? Holy moly, where does the time go.

GG: It's been more like five months.

GT: Oh.

GT: Well thats still a pretty long time.

GT: I have to admit its been a longer stint than i expected. Certainly one involving more downtime than i would have guessed.

GT: I really thought we would have been treated to more action, what being legendary players of a mysterious cosmic game. But no, it seems the primary duty of the so called nobles is to wait around twiddling our thumbs.

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: I am really beginning to wonder when these fabled heroes will arrive? And are they really going to be those we have been led to believe?

GT: I sure hope so. Id so love to meet my pen pal. Dear old departed grandma. But as a feisty youngster! What a hoot thatll be. And you with your poppop. Lets not forget about him.

GT: Not to mention the young strider and lalonde relatives. I bet theyre a barrel of laughs. I met them once but i was too shy to say anything. Then i got in a fight. Did i ever mention that jane?

GG: Yes.

GG: Many times.

GT: Not to say its been all downtime and doldrums. Exploring has been great. Finding treasure, solving riddles, becoming better friends. I wouldnt trade that for anything.

GT: And maybe we are getting close to something big happening regardless? Every day it seems like more and more undead creatures crawl from out of the shadows. Bigger ones and stronger ones. Does their presence herald something worse coming, just as the legends indicate our presence heralds something better?

GT: I just wish we could actually kill the fucking things. Even the little ones can absorb so much damage before yielding any spoils!

GT: Remember jane? Remember at the start how we kept trying to kill them?

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: We would all gang up on like an imp skeleton for an hour just clobbering it repeatedly. Knocking its bones down, waiting for it to reassemble and keep coming at us. Only to finally be rewarded with a shitty pittance of grist!

GT: But i guess the silver lining was it forced us to explore ruins more often and scavenge for loot there. So i think weve learned a lot more this way.

GT: But it sure makes resources hard to come by, having to get them exclusively from chests and whatnot. Sometimes i wonder if weve been missing out on a really rewarding part of the game by neglecting to build up our houses? Makes you wonder. But it just costs so much! Better to stick to making more practical stuff dont you think?

GG: Mm.

GT: Sometimes i wonder if the heroes had the same problems in their game. Do you think they found an easier way to kill skeletons?

GT: Were they just as shameless as us when it came to splurging our precious grist on swanky new duds?

GT: Did the same enigmatic bard haunt their game? And if so which hilarious dead trolls did he throw into the flashy blobs?

GT: Mr erisol tells me he knows many things about the heroes because he saw them in action when he was alive. But he wont tell me a thing about them! These troll sprites sure do love keeping their secrets dont they? Heheh.

GG: That's nice, Jake. I'm kind of busy though.

GG: What did you actually want to talk to me about?

GG: Actually, why don't we just talk about it tomor-

GT: Okay we can talk about that if you insist.

GT: Really jane you sure know how to twist a fellas arm!

GT: I just wanted to get your take on what you might call my own personal ultimate riddle.

GT: It involves dirk.

GG: You don't say.

GT: Its true. I havent seen him in a couple days.

GT: I have been laying low for a while but i just received another series of pushy inquiries from him.

GT: Maybe i shouldnt be too hard on the guy since he was probably just concerned, not having heard from me and all.

GT: But i still couldnt help but detect a tone of desperation, like he could sense i may be having doubts.

GT: This kind of thing has been all too common unfortunately.

GT: Im not sure its going to work anymore.

GG: Mm.

GT: He can be so needy!

GT: If only he could just relax and trust that i wont spontaneously tire of his company.

GT: Although the irony i guess is that his overbearing tendencies are beginning to fulfill his own paranoid prophecy.

GT: Its such a shame. Weve had so many capital adventures together.

GT: I dont know why he has to be like this. He always was an intense fella. But in person... holy cow.

GT: I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he grew up alone in the middle of the ocean? And now he doesnt know how to deal with people without suffocating them?

GT: But then again i grew up under similar circumstances and i think i turned out pretty much ok socially, at least i hope so. Do you think so jane?

GG: Mmmm!

GT: Actually it just occurred to me. Its funny he didnt mention your party in his text.

GT: Im SURE he wouldnt have forgotten. He never forgets ANYTHING what with all his calculations and his computerized brain. Both figurative and literal.

GT: I wonder what his game was? He invited me on an expedition without mention of your party as a potential conflict...

GT: If he sensed i could use some space perhaps he was concerned that if we both showed up to the party it would be awkward?

GT: Or maybe he didnt want to mention he was going to the party in case it would spook me away from attending?

GT: Argh! Do you see jane?? This is what his endless machinations do to you!

GT: Anything he says could be part of some grand convoluted scheme and it just makes you agonize and boggle and wonder until your brain hurts and you just KNOW its a battle you cant win.

GT: You know what i mean jane?

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: Do you think i should just bite the bullet and end it?

GT: Its probably the right thing to do.

GT: Boy am i not looking forward to that conversation though.

GT: Its going to be a doozy. What did i get myself into here?

GT: I think ive made a lot of mistakes honestly.

GT: Not the least of which was getting this shitty tattoo, now that i think about it.

GT: Yes yes i know we all thought it was a riot at first.

GT: I guess it still is maybe? But lately ive been wondering if it might not have been an act of sound judgment.

GT: Can you believe that jane?

GG: Hmm!

GT: I dont know. Its a real pickle im in here but i do feel better just being able to get it off my chest.

GT: You are such a good friend jane, always ready to listen to my relationship woes. What a trooper!

GT: It never ceases to amaze me how excellent you are at this friendship business. Where would we all be without you?

GT: In a way you really have been the glue holding us all together on our adventure. Gosh youre a standup gal.

GT: Oh which actually reminds me of ANOTHER thing thats been bugging me about dirk.

GT: He can often be almost hilariously self absorbed. Dont even get me started on when he starts going off on these long monologues about his philosophical gobbledygook.

GT: I'm not sure he actually has much of a filter when it comes to what others regard as interesting points of conversation.

GT: Not to rag on the guy too hard but i guess at times i would just like to see a little more self awareness from him is all.

GG: Jake.

GT: Did i tell you what happened on our last expedition together?

GG: Jake.

GT: I cant remember if i mentioned. Oh man but thinking back on what happened its even more ridiculous in retrospect.

GT: Where do i begin?

GG: Jake!!!

GT: What?

GG: Shut up!

GT: Huh?

GG: Shut up!!!

GT: Errr.

GT: Did i say something wrong?

GG: JAKE.

GG: PLEASE.

GG: STOP TALKING.

GT: I dont...

GG: JAKE.

GG: I SAID SHUT UP.

GT: Wha...

GG: JUST,

GG: SHUT,

GG: THE FUCK,

GG: UUUUUUUUUUP!!!

GT: Ay caramba.

GT: What in tarnation is the matter jane?

GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER?

GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER???

GG: I AM SICK.

GG: AND FUCKING TIRED.

GG: TO DEATH.

GG: OF YOUR INSUFFERABLE BLITHERING BULLSHIT!!!!!!

GT: Whoa there.

GT: You seem really worked up. Maybe we should just calm down and talk this through like sensible adults?

GT: Also youre going kinda heavy on the caps there arent you? Sort of makes it seem like your shouting. Just saying.

GG: I AM SHOUTING!

GG: THERE ARE LITERAL SHOUTS OF ANGER COMING OUT OF MY ACTUAL MOUTH, AND THEY ARE DIRECTED AT YOU!

GT: Yikes.

GT: Well ok then.

GT: Can you tell me why youre so upset with me?

GT: Is it because i forgot your birthday party? Because i do feel awful about that.

GG: OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU SO CLUELESS?

GG: I CAN'T STAND IT!

GT: Really i feel like a tool about forgetting. You know how i am. I forget stuff.

GT: I mean...

GT: Shucks buster. If i knew how to make it up to you i would.

GT: If it ameliorates matters any i am sighing pretty much the shucksiest buster of contrition i can manage.

GG: IT'S NOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY!!!

GG: THE FACT THAT YOU FORGOT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP, BUT THAT'S NOT IT. SEE, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!

GG: OH, AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING SHUCKS BUSTER?!

GG: SHUCKS BUSTER WAS MY THING! AND YOU STOLE IT!

GT: I thought shucks buster was...

GT: Sorta our thing?

GG: NO, IT WAS MY THING, BUT I ALLOWED IT TO BE OUR THING! BACK WHEN YOU USED TO GIVE A SHIT! BUT NOW IT'S JUST MINE, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ANYMORE!

GT: Uhh.

GT: Ok?

GT: I suppose i could go with shoot buddy. Or...

GT: Fudge junior?

GG: .................

GT: Or maybe forgo an analogous catch phrase altogether heh.

GT: But i clearly stepped in it big time with you and id really like to know what i did.

GG: JAKE, LET ME ASK YOU.

GG: DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE TALKED?

GT: Hmm.

GT: Wasnt it a few days ago?

GG: NO. TRY A FEW WEEKS AGO!

GG: AND EVEN THEN, YOU MESSAGED ME JUST TO TALK ABOUT SOME STUPID SHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH DIRK.

GG: A TEDIOUS GESTURE WHICH YOU THEN SAW FIT TO REPRISE ON MY BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS, WHILST CONSIDERATELY FORGETTING ABOUT IT!

GG: AND EVEN WHEN I REMINDED YOU ABOUT IT, YOU STILL BARGED AHEAD WITH YOUR SELF-INDULGENT RELATIONSHIP CLAPTRAP ANYWAY!

GT: I didnt realize it was so long ago. Sorry about that.

GT: Again all i can say is where does the time go? I guess i have trouble keeping up with everything im supposed to. Which it would seem includes personal relationships as much as calendars.

GT: Im not much of a leader of people. Not like you are jane. I think when it comes to adventuring maybe im more of a solo act?

GT: Which now that i think about it might be contributing to my problems with dirk. Maybe thats part of the reason why i needed some space?

GT: Oh brother there i go again blustering about my problems. I guess i see what you mean.

GT: But really if you wanted to talk sooner then why didnt you get in touch with me?

GT: It feels as though im always the one to say hello to you lately.

GG: YEAH! THAT'S BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME WE CHAT, YOU DO NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF!

GG: YOU NEVER ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING OR WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO. YOU JUST LAUNCH INTO YOUR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS, AND I JUST LISTEN LIKE AN ACCOMMODATING FOOL AS ALWAYS!

GG: SO I JUST STOPPED BOTHERING! WHY SHOULD I SUBJECT MYSELF TO THAT REPEATEDLY?!

GG: YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE MOST THOUGHTLESS, SELF-CENTERED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!

GG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO FEEL...

GT: Huh?

GT: Used to feel what?

GG: JAKE, HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU HOW IT MUST FEEL FOR SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO HER FRIEND GO ON AND ON ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS WHEN...

GG: WHEN ALL ALONG SHE...

GG: BUT SHE JUST COULDN'T SAY BECAUSE SHE BLEW IT AND IT WAS TOO LATE TO...

GG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M BOTHERING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU. NEVER MIND.

GT: Now hold the phone.

GT: Jane i think i may finally understand whats been going on here.

GT: In retrospect i cant believe ive been this blind.

GT: Youre right i really can be deplorably thick sometimes.

GT: Looking back i can see how many of our conversations must have been torment for you.

GT: You really should have told me how you felt sooner!

GG: YEAH. I...

GG: I know. :(

GT: If you told me you had the hots for dirk i would have backed off without another word.

GT: What are friends for!

GG: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

GT: Wait...

GT: Did i say something dumb again?

GT: Consarn it.

GT: I think maybe something is getting lost in translation over our respective chat clients.

GT: Maybe we should wait until tomorrow and just clear the air face to face at your party?

GG: NO!

GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY!

GT: Aw come on jane. Be a sport.

GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A PARTY!

GG: GO RAID SOME TOMBS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM OR BREAK UP WITH HIM, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOUR FICKLE, SELFISH HEART DESIRES!

GG: I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH YOU!

GG: I AM FED UP WITH YOUR STUPID MOVIES AND YOUR STUPID ADVENTURES AND YOUR STUPID OLD TIMEY CHARMS AND YOU STUUUUUUPID DASHING GOOD LOOKS. WHO NEEDS ANY OF IT?????

GT: I say jane. Before you do anything rash...

GG: OH, WILL YOU PLEASE,

GG: JUST,

GG: STFU BUSTER!!!!!!!!!

ROXY: jane

ROXY: yo uh

ROXY: janey

ROXY: u ok there

JANE: I WILL BE PEACHY FUCKING KEEN ONCE I STOMP THIS NOVELTY MUSTACHE HEADSET INTO OBLIVION, AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER!

ROXY: janey uh

ROXY: that aint a reasonable thing you said

JANE: AU CONTRAIRE.

JANE: I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT ONCE THIS PIECE OF SHIT HAS BEEN REDUCED TO SUBATOMIC PARTICLES, WE WILL ALL COME OUT SMELLING LIKE FUCKING ROSES.

ROXY: jaaaaane

ROXY: stoppit :(

ROXY: ur upsettin fefeta

ROXY: just

ROXY: think of fefeta is all im asking

ROXY: poor fefeta :'(

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 383

JANE: OH POOR FEFETA MY SWEET PATOOTIE!

JANE: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW FEFETA HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH GARBAGE FROM JERKOFF BOYS BEFORE.

JANE: SO DON'T GIVE ME THIS POOR FEFETA CRAP.

ROXY: lol yeah

ROXY: my girl fefeta knows whats up

ROXY: she been around the d bag block a time or 2

ROXY: em i rite fefeta

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 3;3

ROXY: shit yes gimme a paw bump

ROXY: BOMP

ROXY: jane u want in on this action

ROXY: come give us a fist fulla sugar

ROXY: complete the 3way for max girl power + solidarity against dumb dudes

ROXY: janey jeez dont leave us hanging here

JANE: SIGH.

JANE: FINE.

ROXY: jane that was the piss poorest paw bump ive ever seen

ROXY: that was like a negative bump

ROXY: we are going to have to bump long and hard into the night to dig us outta this fuckin bump hole you dug us into

ROXY: w/ that tragic bump

ROXY: that bump was like

ROXY: shakespearean

ROXY: makes me want to weep softly and leave a bouquet somewhere

ROXY: someone plays a sad trumpet in the distance

ROXY: look fefeta just sniffled a little at how sad that bump w-

JANE: SHHHHHHHH!

ROXY: ok god

ROXY: was just tryin to cheer you up

ROXY: take ur mind off whatever the hell that was

ROXY: you werent serious about calling off the party were you

ROXY: here let me just get the chess guys to help put the table back on the roof

ROXY: and maybe salvage the cake out of that sand dune over there...

ROXY: aaaaand NOPE the chess guys just finished eatin it

ROXY: lets just bake another k?

JANE: NO, I WAS SERIOUS!

JANE: I'M NOT...

JANE: I'm not in the mood for a party anymore.

ROXY: so it sounds like

ROXY: u got jaked

JANE: >:(

ROXY: why yes

ROXY: that is the face of a girl who just got english'd with extreme prejudice

ROXY: he was a block head and forgot your birthday didnt he

ROXY: im sorry jane

JANE: Yeah, me too. Can we maybe not rehash the whole terrible conversation though??

ROXY: yeah we dont have to

ROXY: just maybe try not to hold whatever dumb shit he said against him forever?

ROXY: thats just how the guy is

ROXY: its like

ROXY: he doesnt mean to be a douche

ROXY: but its just kind of a byproduct of the whole ridiculous jake english experience

ROXY: like his dunkass shenanigans leave behind a residue that looks like douche and tastes like douche but it aint the real thing?

ROXY: like douche substitute

ROXY: "i cant believe its not douche"

ROXY: um

ROXY: im just trying to say not terrible things about him in hopes you dont start hating each other but i guess this isnt what you wanna hear now

JANE: >:(

ROXY: soooo yeah

ROXY: i guess jakes dumpin dirk soon?

ROXY: hahah like the writing wasnt so on the wall with those two from day one

ROXY: poor dirk

ROXY: ive wanted to say something to prepare him for that but

ROXY: never had the heart to bring it up i guess?

ROXY: what can u do....

ROXY: hey

ROXY: but the silver lining is

ROXY: i mean if you can forgive him for shitting on your bday and stuff

ROXY: maybe this is finally your chance to make a play 4 the j man??

ROXY: ehhhh??? ;)

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38D

JANE: ROXY, PLEASE.

JANE: AS IF THAT ISN'T THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY MIND RIGHT NOW!

JANE: I AM SO DONE WITH THAT WHOLE TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

ROXY: so you really think youre just

ROXY: completely over him?

JANE: YESSIREE!

JANE: IF JAKE'S THE RAINBOW, THEN JUST CALL ME A LITTLE HOUSE FROM KANSAS!

JANE: WHEEEEEE!

ROXY: wait rly

ROXY: as in like you dont give a shit if he dates anybody or

JANE: MMMMMMMHM!!!

ROXY: i seeee

ROXY: iiiiiinteresting!

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38O

JANE: WAIT...

JANE: WHAT??

JANE: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???

ROXY: nothing!

ROXY: i was just...

ROXY: it was a joke!

JANE: WAS IT REALLY?!

ROXY: ok maybe not a total joke

ROXY: but still mostly a joke!

ROXY: im only

ROXY: trying to

ROXY: blurgh

ROXY: i dont know

JANE: ROXY, I GET YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, BUT A LOT OF THINGS YOU'RE SAYING HERE AREN'T REALLY HELPING!

JANE: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HALF THE TIME?

JANE: I THINK I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING!

ROXY: jaaane no

ROXY: dont say that

ROXY: i had a problem :(

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38(

JANE: OK, YEAH!

JANE: I WAS WAY OUT OF LINE THERE AND I'M SORRY!

JANE: THAT STUPID CONVERSATION WITH JAKE JUST PUSHED ME OVER SOME KIND OF EDGE AND NOW I AM FEELING REALLY, REALLY DISTRAUGHT!

JANE: THIS GAME IS SO MUCH MORE DEPRESSING THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE! EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND EMPTY AND FULL OF GRAVES AND ALL WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IS JUST KEEP WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING! BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER? AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE MY DAD IS, AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO REACH CALLIOPE, AND WHAT IF THEY'RE BOTH...

JANE: AND NOW ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I MAY HAVE PERMANENTLY DESTROYED MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JAKE!

JANE: AND NOW...

JANE: Now...

JANE: I just want to be alone.

ROXY: jane wait

JANE: I have to go!

ROXY: where are you going!

JANE: HOME!!!

ROXY: good lard

ROXY: all my friends are being disasters

ROXY: welp looks like its just us

ROXY: party nite w gcat and fefeta

ROXY: fefeta???

ROXY: oh dangit

ROXY: hey you know i could have used some support there

ROXY: where was all that profound shippin expertise when we really needed it!

ROXY: usually i can barely shut you up girl

ROXY: maybe you just clammed up at all the drama?

ROXY: hehehe youd have loved that pun

ROXY: the one i just said about the clams

ROXY: aw its ok you had enough drama in your lives

ROXY: you deserve some rest

ROXY: good night sweet princess

ROXY: sooo

ROXY: gcat

ROXY: i guess that just leaves the two of us

ROXY: wow this is

ROXY: great?

ROXY: you gonna behave urself

ROXY: not do anything too uh

ROXY: vexing or cheshire catty

ROXY: i hope?

ROXY: oh mother fuck

[thebrochtuarachs]

Gotham’s Writing Workshop: Week 7 - Woe is All I Possess

Hello awesome people in the Outlander universe! 

A/N: This is my first Outlander fic that I am posting in the world wide web. I am very nervous about this but I am rather empowered by @gotham-ruaidh‘s writing challenge and encouragement, everyone’s work as well in this exercise, so I decided to jump the gun. I wrote this in what is a rather dull work day today, so thanks to that I was able to write this short story. I hadn’t had anyone else see or proofread this before posting this, haven’t written (or even practiced writing) any fic in years so I am rusty at this - so all mistakes are mine and any comments/suggestions/violent reactions for improvement are most welcome. :) . 

Woe is All I Possess

I was sitting in my desk, hacking through another edit on my book – a second of a trilogy about the Jacobites and the 45’ Rising. I’ve been at this the since three in the afternoon and I permitted myself to some well-deserved break. I put my pencil down, stretched my neck and grabbed my whisky from the coaster to my left.

The room was dark, except for the small light emanating from the lamp in my table and the clock’s ticking sound echoed around the room. I used to not notice it but now, its sound brings me dread and puts me in a trance with my thoughts. It was reminding me of my life passing by without really me really living it followed by a punch in the gut of the emptiness I suddenly felt in my soul.

I found him. Him. The man who my wife loves, the man who fathered her child.

I hadn’t meant to look or find him. Why would I? As far as I know, he asked Claire to forget him, I asked Claire to forget him and opening that door would just be tempting fate even more. But at the arrival of Colonel Hal Grey’s journals in my office - a gift from one of my Harvard colleagues in the hope that it will help in providing more insight in my book – had changed everything. 

I had seen his name in his logs and what happened to him immediately after the war. The first entry mentioned him being sent home to the highlands with a grave injury, after that, curiosity got the better of me and I fell down the rabbit hole - chasing him through every note and paper trail I could locate - and now I know where he is. Ten years after the Battle of Culloden, I am certain that James Alexander Malcolm Makenzie Fraser is alive.

Should I tell Claire? It’s the question I’ve been asking myself back and forth for the last hour and a half. I remembered how crazy she ran through Reverend Wakefield’s books in the library hoping to find a sliver of his existence in the aftermath. If she knew of these documents currently in my possession, I have no doubt that she’ll run back to Scotland, take Bree with her, and find him without giving it second thought on what the state of his life is now. If she didn’t, she’d continue to live her and Bree’s life with me where everything is settled and familiar. Call it selfish, but I would say that I’m the latter option that looks like the lesser ”win-win” situation for the both of us – even if it mean probably living half a life forever. 

Answering that, the next question I had is can I live with my selfish choice?

In choosing to be a historian, I thought that the details of the past meant the studying of lives lived and knowing their story to teach and educate the present – whether it’s for the influence of the good or the prevention of the bad. Moreover, accepting the consequences of history was at the inspection and discretion of the now and was never meant to directly touch. 

However, thirteen years ago, history decided to play on my fortune. It took my wife, to her back two hundred years, to a time closest to my academic heart  and expertise, only to return three years later, married and in love with another man and pregnant with a child that was supposed to be born and live in the 18th century.

With accepting Claire back came with a blessing and, if I was really going to be honest with myself, a curse. 

Bree was an unexpected blessing in my life. I never thought I’d be able to love someone so wholly who was not my own flesh and blood and yet, the moment I held her in my arms, she crept her way to my heart. I could not, even for the all the hurt I feel, consider Bree a mistake but rather the complete opposite as she is the only one that keeps me going nowadays. 

On the other hand, with her here, I was given a direct, tangible, and living reminder of the past – Claire’s past. Every movement Bree makes, every milestone she surpasses, every flicker of the eyes or toss of the hair, Claire would see him and weep. 

One night, I came home late and decided to check on Bree before heading to our bedroom. I opened the door softly and saw Claire hunched over a sleeping Bree who nestled herself in the protective shield of her mother. With her elbows propped and her back to me, Claire didn’t seem to notice or feel my presence. I observed them for a while – hoping to make a sweet memory of my girls. 

She was just looking at her, memorizing, caressing her hair away from her face and suddenly I saw her brush her hand through her nape that I knew would elicit a drowsy smile from Bree just as I discovered a few years ago. Claire gave a sad chuckle and said “Oh, you’re so much like your father”. She lied down and pulled Bree to her embrace and I abruptly left, stunned at her sudden revelation – not even bothering to close the door. 

The clock continued to tick along with my running mind and thoughts. As soft as the sound, it felt like a scream with every movement of the hand. It was too much to handle. I walked over to my mantle and threw it across the room to a loud crash that broke the item into hundreds of irreparable pieces. I chuckled rather bitterly in the irony of my situation.

I downed my drink in one gulp and ran my hands through my face and hair. In the now absolute silence of my study in my Boston home, my mind had one thought: How the hell did I end up here?

You know how because you agreed to this. She gave you an out and you were too honorable to refuse. Said my conscience’s snarky reply.

“That’s what good men do” I said out loud to the universe in the faith that it would make it a little bit more true and alleviate the dismay I was feeling.

And it comes at the sacrifice of your own happiness. You did this and chose this for yourself.

I sat back down to my chair to try and calm my thoughts and assess my emotions. I looked up at the clock to see how long I have until Claire and Bree would arrive home but then remembered I no longer had a mantle clock. I opened the drawer to my right grabbed my monogrammed stainless pocket watch - a gift from Claire in the first year of our marriage. It was 6:50PM – I have, at least, ten minutes to compose myself.

I placed my elbows in the desk and held my head in it, closed my eyes, considering and allowing all my emotions to show and release itself. Love, hurt, joy, pain, good, bad - combining them all left me feeling one final sentiment: woe.

“Woe is all I possess” I muttered under my breath.

I let the tears building in my eyes to overflow and allowed himself to feel everything for the first time in a long time.

Woe in the realization that Claire would never be mine again, that she would never love me the way I see her love and devote herself to him even after all these years, that we’d settled in a life of domesticity for civility and show; woe in the realization that Bree – with her fiery red hair and blazing blue eyes - would never be thought by anyone as mine in any way, shape or form, that our bond would never be just ours forever when the time comes that she learns the truth about her real paternity; woe in the reminder of my own inability to sire children; woe in having to give in to affairs just to fill a physical and emotional void that will never or could never be truly filled again; woe in the knowledge that my family history is tainted by a darkness that made me slightly sorry that I found real, historical truth; woe that I had resorted in forcing Claire into an agreement to forget him and everything about that part of her life even though I knew it would break her spirit. 

I needed protect myself and save myself a little dignity in this circumstance – even though it means forbidding a certain name to be mentioned in the next century. 

Woe is all I possess.

So yes, I can and will live with my own selfishness.

I hadn’t heard the door open until Bree called me out.

“Daddy!” she ran towards my chair and hopped on my lap. “Look what we made in school today!”

Bree laid her artwork on his table - a rather exceptional profile of one of her classmates – as she rambled on how her teacher taught drawing techniques and said that her work was the best one in class. 

I glanced up to find Claire at the doorway of my study staring at us. In another parallel universe of our lives, I’d see light and happiness in her eyes as I held what would have been our child. Looking at her, even I can’t deny the sadness and longing in her eyes as she imagined a life two hundred years back where her daughter is held by the man she loved who would’ve raised her if it wasn’t for the massive obstacle of history.

“Claire” I called out immediately putting her out of her trance.

“I’m making meatloaf for dinner. It will be ready in 30 minutes” she replied embarrassingly as she knew I caught her in moment faraway. I nodded as she left for the kitchen.

Woe is all I possess – but as long as Claire is cooking in the kitchen and Bree continues to talk about her day – there is still that small flicker of the life I once envisioned to be living. A small claim it might be but one I lay hold on even for a little while, just enough to push away the pain in my heart and move forward on to the next day and the next day and the next.

[stonerzelda]

🦋x2

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

The Circe Saga

woke up and tried to do other thing but couldnt stop thinking about this fucking musical (concept album)

Puppeteer

The piano kinda transitioning over from Ruthlessness is good, along with the waves you can hear in the beginning

"Captain" AUGH the distance because theyre not equals and they never will be they never have been.

The tension rising when Eurylachus came back (sorry if i spelled it wrong)

THE DRUM pounding is so good

"What was it?" "A woman" "what." BRO HE SOUNDS SO UNIMPRESSED.

okay then more impressed but still omg

i wanna see circe so badly she sounds so pretty. i'd give her my soul.

the back and forth :brainfull:

Yes Circe you do have all the power i believe you

hmm Eurylachus wants to leave them... hmmmm.......

"There's no length I wouldn't go if it was you i had to save" GJAFKHH BITING TEARING CLAWING

good ending

Wouldn't You Like

THE GIGGLEs AHHHH

the strumming is also great

he's totally flirting thats a flirty voice i swear to fucking, well, hermes

odysseus's voice when he says the name XD so awe

AHHHH THIS CHORUS GOES SO HARD

it itches my brain so good

and the verse

and it all. i love it so much maybe this is my favorite song

also can i just say hermes has such flair its so good its amazing yes and the little vocal flourishes ahhhhhhhhhh

the rhymes here make my brain happy

"Holy Moly"

HIS LAUGH

aughhhhhh this is such a good song this might be my favorite actually

such a good fucking song omg <- aware theyre repeating themself

the soft "thank you" my heart

"Don't thank me friend, you very well may die" FUCKING GREAT

Done For

The strings have such power in this song omg

this song also has rhymes that itch my brain good omg i love the lyrics for this one i forgot

the might be my favorite saga

the break into regular talking is so good and really makes the chorus pop so well

the rhyme scheme goes hard

oh its actually called moly?

HA she called his bluff so fast

their duet.... ough.......

the music really does set the mood so well, even with the transition to circe being defeated

"I'm not sure I follow" as the end? HA

There Are Other Ways

The stringsssss yes yes yes

this song is so sensual and i cant even tell you why, it just is. I would be a fucking goner if Circe sang this to me

the percussion coming in with odysseus is so good

The return of just a man ajghsjjhj

OUGH him singing about penelope is so good i can't even, it really does reflect his longing and yearning

love the rhyming of circe and mercy

the change of the meaning of "there are other ways" !!! Ahhh!!!!!

the thud when she says "dead" and then the change to Underworld's vibes omg

The change of the meaning of the title again!!! aghhhhhH!!!!!!! im so fucking hype

the addition of more strings in this section is so good

"and maybe one day the world will need a puppeteer no more" PLEASE

the overlapping with the men with the puppeteer lines when she turns them back into men!!

Live Reaction of my SECOND listen through of EPIC: The Musical

okay i want my Thoughts after finishing the first listen through today (over the course of a week) but i need to listen Again so here we fucking go peoples. Reblogging with each new saga to keep things organized a bit :)

The Troy Saga

we start!!

The Horse And The Infant

"little ajax stay back" 🥺

"You're not ready"

"I could raise him as my own" I WISH PLEASE

the whole section with overlapping dialogue of possibilities and the tragic ends they would lead to

i wanna know who that guy speaking was i don't remember

Just a Man

its so tragic how this infant reminds him of his own son like what the fuck thats so fucked up how could jorge do this to us. OW.

"close your eyes and spare yourself the view" Q^Q

this whole song gets me. especially paired with WolfyTheWitch's animatic to it. augh.

GOD knowing that all of these metaphors come back later and become Relevant i CANT OMG

"Forgive me" is probably the worst thing he could say because i do and i can't at the same time, but he's not asking me to forgive him, he's asking this INFANT who he KILLED AUGH

Full Speed Ahead

600 men. 601 with Odysseus

god this really is just setting the scene huh. and well!!

He really did wanna go home as fast as he could

OH MY GOD MY BOI I FORGOT ABOUT HIM AND HIS OPEN ARMS

his voice is like. angelic. wow.

"and if we don't return, then 600 men can make this place burn" i forgot about that woah

Open Arms

"My friend" my heart hurts

"This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms" oh sweet boy

the sound of a sword being drawn is so good omg

"600 friends are waiting for us to show our faces" XD bruh not subtle

EVEN LESS SUBTLE

Polites i love you

"My friend" you are friends yes please remember that please

Oh i forgot the lotus eaters sent them to "this food filled cave"

"I see in your face there is so much guilt in your heart" AUGH MY BOY

the repeating by odysseus...

"You can relax my friend" at the end like AUGH thats so GOOD and then the immediate next song being Warrior of the Mind !!! very good very tragic

Warrior of the Mind

immediately the music change raises the tension

the way Odysseus immediately knows who she is, hears or something, i love it so much.

"Have you forgotten your purpose? Let me remind you." AUGH hes not a man, but a tool

He seems like more of a conquest or trophy than a person to her, which is fair given he's a mortal and she's a goddess but damn this really does just keep happening to him, being a gods plaything huh?

THIS CHORUS GOES SO SO HARD THOUGH

"Maybe one day he'll follow me and we'll make a greater tomorrow" the way she sings this makes my brain so happy

the whole chorus just scratches my brain in such a good way omg

the slowness. "show yourself"

HIS LITTLE LAUGH

the whole exchange honestly

"nah, don't be modest, i know you're a goddess, so lets be honest-" YES YES YES

"YOU ARE ATHENA" WOOOOOOOOOOOO CLAPPING CHEERING

his description of her is great

"goddess and man, bestest of friends!" "We'll see where it ends" "okay" asdghkjsa im wheezing

THEIR DUET

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

"ending on "don't disappoint me" is so mean

[litrallytyrus]

jatp liveblog — EPISODE 9!!!!! 😍

- LAST EPISODE IDK HOW TO FEEEEL!

- i’m hype but also sad it’s gonna be over omg omg omg omg okay let’s start baby

- PANIC AT THE DISCO??????? HUH?

- i’m loving alex’s fit he looks bomb in blue baby!

- WILLIE :DDD UR SO CUTE!

- luke and reggie said bye 😘✌️

- “i’d do anything for you” my heart

- HUGGGGKFJDJSKD ?? 🥺 HUG?!!!!!??!!!

- THEY R SO. IN LOVE IM GOING TO

- HOTDOG PLEASEEEEEEEE

- i cant believe they’re opening for fucking panic at the disco .

- “alex no dancing 😡🙄” LUKE SHUT UP

- alex said i’m gay and i don’t give a fuck <3

- awww they

- everytime i see julie for the first time in a couple of days i am blown away by her beauty and her fashion omfg

- the four of them r so cute together wtf

- THEIR HAPPY DANCES AWWWWWWWWW

- Carlos the Ghost Toaster ID WATCH IT

- why is bobby . hot . um

- ONLY LOVE, BABY LMAOOOOO he’s funny

- aw reggie .... REGGIE ... 🥺

- uh oh guys come on ... pull it together

- CARLOSSSS AHAHAHAHHAHA KING OF VLOGGING

- they’re standing so close together .

- omfg julie ur so sweet

- “you’re a star julie” SHE IS LUKE UR RIGHT

- BOY BAND SHDHDJE HES SO ADORABLE

- I FORGOT HOW GAY CALEB WAS HAH THE FIT PLEASE GAY VILLIANS FTW

- why does caleb make me laugh so much he’s so incredible

- where’s flynn hello

- HERE SHE IS OMG I MANIFESTED HER!!!!! HI FLYNN I MISSED U SM <3

- SHE HAD SUSHI WITH BRENDON URIE 🥺

- i’m scared what did caleb dooooooo :(

- THEY LOOK SO GOOD!!!!!!! kinda actually i also miss their casual clothes

- everyone is gay here huh ??? lol

- caleb is so iconic my god

- ALEX DOING THAT THING WITH THE DRUM STICK PHEWWWWWWW

- luke looks so angry please

- they’re all standing there like 😐

- AWWW NO JULIE

- “where do any of us really go?” HAHAHA I LOVE FLYNN SM

- aw julie :(

- this is so heartbreaking to watch :( 😣

- I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE HER MOM

- YES JULIE YESSSSSS

- imagine crying ur heart out in an alley and then two seconds later going on stage in front of so many ppl to sing . girl has CONFIDENCE

- the boys aren’t coming omg

- JULIES FAMILY LOOKS SO PROUD IM GONNA CRY

- she is so pretty guys what the honk

- it’s the way she just GLOWS when she’s singing i’m so .... 🥺🥺🥺🥺

- ALEX???????????????

- REGGIE?????!!!!!????!!!!

- NICK AND HIS FEDORA HAHAHAH

- omg luke baby what ....

- WOOOOO JULIE IS SO HAPPY AW

- ALEX SINGING ALEX SINGING HOLY MOLY

- REGGIES VOICE WHHIOOOOOOO

- i’m just thinking about how happy luke and julie must feel when they’re singing to each other and smiling so much like nothing else even matters

- CARRIE LOOKED . PROUD??????? DARE I SAY?

- CARLOSSSSS

- their family is so cute and julie still has the flower aw 🥺

- CARLOS PLS ILY

- oh wait r they gonna cross over .. surely not

- REGGIE AHAHAH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

- luke pls don’t cry i’m gonna cry

- “no regrets” i’m on the floor. i am on the FLOOR

- WHATT THE BELL IS HAPPENING

- aw omg them hugging and crying and being happy omg .

- oh nick .. hello nick 🙂

- ??????? WHAT IS GOIBG IN LUV WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKK ???

- WHATTTTTTYY THAT ENDING I DID NOT EXPECT IN THE SLIGHTEST WHATTTTTTTTT

y’all how did i not see one spoiler about that . WHAT THE HONK WAS THAT

[wh6res]

IVE NEVER SEEN THESE RECOLORED???? HELP???

(where are the recolored ones of chenle-)

i cant believe u really just said "no wait in sending these through ask" and u know what i get you janna, i really do

BECAUSE HOLY FUCKING MOLY YALLS LOOK AT HIM. THE WHOLE WORLD DESERVES TO SEE THESE PUCTURES. JUST LOOK AT HIM. THOSE BLUE EYES MAKES ME SHIVER AHHHHHHH

behold spectator! jeno but nah im kidding

[v-le]

Kmusic: JTBC’s 슈퍼밴드(Superband) Review

Foreword: SUPERBAND WAS AMAZING AND IT WAS EVERYTHING I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED IN MY LIFE. yup

--

After binge-watching this entire program, I knew I had to write something about it. This show literally took my breath away, this show filled all my senses with overwhelming excitement, appreciation, and respect for every single participant, and the music, THE MUSIC, that came out of this show will forever be some of the most amazing songs I have ever heard in my life. But above all else, this show filled a void, an emptiness, a traumatizing, painful longing in my heart that has been needing some intense healing for a while now.

With all the things that have happened with my singer, Superband coming into my life and being the show it was, with all those amazing artists doing what they did, it was a literal blessing and I just……. I just cant believe they did THAT. They did it and it was AMAZING.

First off, whoever thought to make an audition program for MUSICIANS, SINGER-SONGWRITERS, ARTISTS, PRODUCERS, and just instrument-playing people AND VOCALISTS…….. you are a fucking genius and I am so glad that this idea never died in the shadows and was allowed to come to life on the screens.

What I found so poignant about this show from the get-go was how GOOD THESE AUDITIONS WERE… these people came in being REALLYYYYY good at (presumably) one thing like the guitar, or singing, or the violin. These people each had their specialty, they were exceptional music-making people. No one was quite mediocre or “rookie”, each person had some pretty credible expertise or experiences with music, and that in itself, the fact that we got to start off with these sorts of contestants, is something ive never seen before.

I don’t want to compare to other singing shows or the Produce series or whatever else countless audition programs Korea has been churning out over the past years, but since Superband began with this concept, it was already a show that I knew I would LOVE. For the 2 times ive watched Produce, I was always so perturbed by these prepubescent pretty boys frolicking around on stage, barely being able to even pull off a simple note. I just thought so many of them were so TALENTLESS…. But who am I to judge.

I think it really just comes down to preference, and even though I knew very well that idols and k-pop are not even things I enjoy anymore, I forced myself through programs like Produce. But now, with Superband, I felt so HAPPY and glad to be watching and discovering such talented musicians…THIS IS WHAT I WANTED ALL ALONG.

Even with the very first audition with Ha Hyunsang… OMFG UGHhHhh THAT BOI IS SO FLUFFY but so good at the same time… I feel like each time I see him, I ACTUALLY just want to give him a hug :’-(( the emotional depth in his singing is beyond describable and im SO PROUD TO HAVE WATCHED HIM GROW !!!!!!

That’s another thing I really really realllyyyyyyy loved from this show........ it was the process of watching these people develop, mature, change, grow with show. Some contestants went through some major growing pains, but it was so heartwarming to watch them improve, not that they were even bad to begin with. And the reversals!! Or the expansions?? The turnarounds?? The CONMEN!!!

AHHhhHHhhh okay im still very obsessed with the infinite amount of talent some dudes had, but before I get to that, let me continue on with those stellar auditions, aka the three genius guitarists, too ;_______; they. Are. So. Amazing. I love them a lot. I think I completely fell for them. And I hate myself. I hate to admit it a lot because I used to ALWAYS shit on dudes younger than me, I disliked basically every contestant on produce that was younger than ‘99, I thought they were all useless young children… but 김영소, 이강호, & 임형빈, were a completely different story. I LOVE THEM!!! I always had a bias toward a man that could play the guitar well… but these guys holy moly, they blew me away… they are so exceptional at what they do and the fact that theyre still so YOUNG… good lord…..my poor heart was so conflicted but ultimately so happy to have discovered them.

To watch these guys be thrown into that first 1:1 perf, and literally tearing up the stage and setting the bar VERY HIGH from the very beginning of the competition… phew… my goodness…. The talent with these kids… o my…. Okay yeah, nope im never gonna get over it. The ‘Adventure of a Lifetime’ stage will always be an iconic one from this program, and we all know it. Who knew a pure acoustic, musical performance, no vocals included stage would be so amazing…. I LOVE THEM!! Have I mentioned that yet?

Going back to the reversals/scamming thing... I guess this goes with watching some people grow……. I want to give a holy and blessed shoutout to probably my favorite contestant out of this entire show: 신광일….. he was such a dark horse. In fact, I don’t even remember his audition tbh because he was THAT not-memorable in the beginning LOL (or also.. I believe they never showed his audition to begin with)… but he quickly caught my eye as the eps went on because he came out of nowhere and whipped out all (or maybe not even all…) his skills like secret weapons, stage after stage.. he came in as a vocalist, picked up the bass for two the performances after that (all while still singing, too), although having never played the bass formally... and then once joining hands with Juhyeok and Yechan, he just miraculously becomes the drummer, because they ultimately decided that they needed percussion in their songs. So from thereon after, since ‘Hold Back The River’, Gwang-il, to me, was literally GOD(신) Gwang-il, as he played the drums and SANG TOO…..and may I add, hes not even that old?????? HES FRKING ONLY 2 YEARS OLDER THAN ME WTF;__; the boy got all these crazy blisters while perfecting the drums, but he didn’t let anything stop him and he was sucH A SOLID BAND MEMBER ALL THROUGHOUT, AHHHHHH MVP GOES TO SHIN GWANG-IL, YALL….(also I just found out that hes a trainee from Mystic Story, aka Yoon Jong shin’s agency aka the agency that I’ve been following for many many MANYYYY years now bc a lot of my favorite artists have come out of it…. Wow what is this fate)

And special recognition goes to Im Hyung-bin aka one of the 18 yr old genius guitarists bc he … oh my…. He frking became the pianist and singer by the end of the show…. Omfg… yall.. HE is also another infinitely talented soul. AND HES EXTRA FRKING YOUNG…

Besides these two though, there were many many many manyyyyy other people as well that took up multiple instruments throughout the show, or even began singing, or just did EVERYTHING….I was so mindblown by this, im still honestly not over it at all.

Because like, is this normal?? Isn’t that so unprofessional?? Its already so crazy that this show already starts us off with NON-amateur musicians and artists. But then some of these dudes have never done any other things formally before they got thrown into it; they came into this show “specializing” in something completely different, yet they jump onto the stage and do what they needed to, HELLA FRKING WELL…… so many of these dudes, you wouldn’t know that was his first time playing the bass, playing the drums, first time playing that piano, or first time being on the keyboard AND being a vocal, you wouldn’t know any of that unless they mentioned it, unless you watched the show and saw their story.

Because they all pulled it off THAT well.. these people that did these things for the first time ever while being on Superband, they executed their roles so well and showcased such wonderfully exhilarating talent…. IM SO BLESSED TO HAVE DISCOVERED SUCH AMAZING ARTISTS….

That was one of the biggest feats of Superband for me. The limitless talent that came out of it. I LOVE watching people like this. Their passion for music fuels such undeniable skill and fervor, and when they step onto that stage, they are literally unstoppable. They made music that stopped my time, stopped my heart, in the moment, but literally MOVED me...i applaud these people so much. I really do.

Thinking back to it now, the number of stages that came out of this show was like…. Countless…. Like… A LOT…. Since episode 1, each stage was very well-produced and I truly enjoyed watching each one from the start. This show was just so jampacked overall, although I admit that sometimes it was arduous due to the GRIND that these people were on, presenting stage after stage after stage, and then listening to LOTS of feedback from almost each judge over and over and over, but it was still nothing short of musical masterpieces out there. I really appreciate how STUFFED, how FILLED TO THE BRIM, this show was with dynamic, enjoyable, exceptional performances (and words of valuable opinions & evaluations, too)

I can re-watch many of them, every day, for days on end. I loved it. And can we just talk about how impressive these dudes are for pulling off something new, for taking on a brand-new challenge with a brand-new set of members, time and time again, stage after stage, week after week, until we came down to the 6 solid bands in the last 3 episodes? They constantly had to work with new people, match their music preferences, fill spaces in their music where they didn’t exactly have someone they may have needed. They had to compensate, compromise, and ultimately DELIVER, at the end of it all. Multiple times. I don’t even remember how many rounds they did… was it 4? I think they had 4 rounds of eliminations before they settled into their official bands. But still... its crazy impressive to think about how driven and flexible a lot of these artists were, to be creating, producing & then performing despite all the different teams they were getting put into week after week.

ANDDDDDD, despite all the odds up against them like the time crunch, the new collab of members each time, the potential lack of a missing instrument or sound, SO many of these teams still came out with self-written and self-produced songs!!!!!!! I mean, even for the cover songs alone, many were already re-arranging everything & basically turning them into new tracks. BUT WITH THOSE SELF COMPOSED SONGS??????????? Some teams literally started from scratch each time, but busted out some amazing tunes and lyrics and executed very very very impressive stages and IM JUST AKFJAKJFKJBSN how…. Are they….. so…. Talented…… I still ask myself each time.

By far, the combo that took my heart and kept it for good….. LUCY ;_______;. I never expected to like Juhyeok’s voice tbh, it was a little TOO weird for me in the beginning… but watching him perform with Yechan and Gwang-il and Wonsang really brought to life his vocal potential for me… that team is literally a combination made in heaven, they have all the right pieces to make ARTWORK… their signature sound was so prominent from the very beginning and i was SO HAPPY when I saw that they stuck to the same exact members once the finale came around.

Before the winner was announced, I told myself very honestly that I didn’t even care who won because the two teams left over, Hoppipolla & Lucy, were already my two all-time favorite combinations of artists from the entire show, and I was already MORE than satisfied with all the wonderful music and stages that everyone had delivered up until that point anyway. But even with that, I was still thoroughly shocked when they announced Hoppipolla as the winning band LOL I gasped aloud. I thought that Lucy at least had a chance. Or like I guess, in my heart, I assumed that Lucy actually won.. LOL but they didn’t.

And in terms of the finale in general, I really would also like to address how I purposely tried really hard to avoid any spoilers and rewatching of performances on youtube before actually finishing the entire series. I tried like reallyyyyy hard, because I wanted to watch the program as thoroughly as possible without spoilers. I HATE SPOILERS. But oh the irony. It was in all in vain anyway.

Once I finally DID finish all 14 episodes, when trying to look for more information/reactions/articles/videos (initially searching in English), I actually struggled SO HARD LMAOOOO bc there was like NOTHING OUT THERE……..i should have known better; this show was definitely NOT catered to the intl. audience (yet?), especially because its in its first season still. There were probably like 2 articles max in English about Superband & it was just about its upcoming premier. Nothing about winners nor results nor anything else i was wary of, anyway. LOLLL THE INTL COMMUNITY DOESN’T CARE; or at least the intl population that DOES care about Superband, is probably reallyyyyyy small……a reddit thread I found was the most substantial discussion I could find, comprised of a few comments max.

And so that brings me to how I always see a lot of comments begging for English subs and everything, but honestly…….. all I have to say to yall is: LEARN KOREAN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW THAT BADLY !!!

If after all these years, I could pick up Korean to an extent where I can watch things raw, im sure others can do the same as long as they put their mind to it. Ive been really appreciating how far my skills have taken me LOL not trying to be THAT person, but I just know that if I COULDN’T read or listen & comprehend or type in Korean like I can now, I would be missing out on a WORLD of amazing stuff. E.g. superband. And if anything, I would like to think that this show helped me practice my vocab skills a lot more. Listening to the judges’ evals after each stage was really enjoyable: I learned plenty of valuable words out of THEIR words.

This show was phenomenal in that all the contestants had total musical freedom. It was soOOOOO refreshing to watch. They got to choose all their music & their teammates in a fair manner (maybe not so much their competition), but seeing them take their passions & what THEY wanted to do with music and laying that all out onto the stage, was so compelling!!! This freedom allowed for countless, ICONIC AF transformations and growth journeys for soooo many of the artists too!!!! I really realllyyyyyyyy loved watching some of them stepping WAYYYY outside of their comfort zones / the image that they originally came in with (e.g. HONG ISAAC HAAAAHAHHA, Jisang, Hyunsang!!), and also watching alllllll those multitalented “scam characters”!!! HAHAHA, without this program being as open as it was, it would’ve been impossible to be able to see such a myriad of sides to so many different people. I appreciate, I really do.

And I really really realllyyyy enjoyed watching all the behind the scenes of each performance as well!! Of course, its normal to give viewers some background story before each stage, but in Superband, we got to see some very raw sides of music-making….. these dudes literally lived like hobos in the recording studios, all disheveled and sleep-deprived human beans, but ceaselessly making music because that’s what they love. I liked watching teams try out a lot of different songs & styles as they searched for THE right one. And then we got to see the final result on stage after the countless discussions and trials behind the scenes. And these processes repeated for months on end. All the contestants are so commendable in this right. The grind was real, and the show didn’t try to hide that. I enjoyed this very realistic approach !!

At this point, after drowning myself in this show for a few days straight… (those episodes are LONGGGGG, close to two hrs each) ive literally spent every night, and basically day, too, watching all the cuts that jtbc uploaded on youtube over and over and oVERRRRR….. ive also been watching some Superband concert clips, from when the entire final 6 bands went on a domestic tour and performed together for several concerts!!

THAT OPENING STAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLESS THOSE PEOPLE THAT CAUGHT IT ON CAMERA BECAUSE IT IS LITERALLY SUCH A PIECE OF MUSICAL HEAVEN, omfg the energy on that stage IS SOMETHING ELSE… IF I WERE THERE IN PERSON I PROBABLY WOULDVE CRIED INSTANTLY……. lee juhyeok, kevin oh, chae bohoon, im hyeongbin, kim youngso, ha hyunsang, lee chansol, and kim woosung, all the guitarists/ vocalists lined up in the front… (hearing each vocalist sing a line each made my HEART HURT....I LOVE THEM SM) then the bassists, lee jonghoon, kim hyungwoo, kim hajin, jo wonsang, clustered up AND HAVIN A TIME all by themselves, and the three epic electric guitarists, yang jiwan, kim junhyeob, and Zairo, literally held SUCH stage presence… on the drums: kang kyungyoon all the way to the right, and red haired hwang minjae in the middle, and the super in-sync, traditional drum banging bois, choi youngjin, shin gwang-il, a-il, & jung gwanghyun, all 4 of them bouncing up and down in the back like intense oompa loompas LOL THEY LOOKED SO CUTE, and the string bois!!!!! Shin yechan & benji on the violin next to hong jinho on the cello; yechan and benji started off sitting down but as the song goes on they literally WENT AT IT HAHAHA as expected of two of the most high-energy musicians. On the piano, lee na-woo, the classic icon himself starting off the entire intro, and next to him hong isaac the transformation legend himself on the keyboard + his super distinctive voice!!!!!! And of course, d-pole with his much-expected little music break in the middle….. in fact many of them got ICONIC solo time: kang kyungyoon’s drumming part, kim hyungwoo’s super duper solid bass, minjae’s powerful beats, kim hajin’s LOUD ass bass, lee jonghoon’s legendary slap finger bass playing, jo wonsang’s super ting-y, classic bass section, and yang jiwan’s loud ASS ELEC GUITAR TOO, omg they were all so cute, pointing to each member & hyping them up as it was their few seconds to shine….AND THOSE COLLECTIVE VOICES???? HEARING ALL THE VOCALISTS SING TOGETHER ONE BY ONE… OH my gosh it was soooooo GOOOODDDDDDD.... just watching all those dudes literally have THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE on stage (literally an ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME), the energy was off the charts… I loveeeeee seeing them so happy, making eye contact with each other, jumping up & down, rocking out, laughing with each other, all while playing their instrument, so fervently, all 27 people on the stage, connected by one song…. Theres SO MUCH OVERFLOW of talent in one freaking place, that song sounded SO MASSIVE just thru the video I cant imagine….. if I were actually there omfg… that’s an actual BAND Like A HUGE FRKING BAND… AHHHHHHHHHH a really legendary stage.. the finest of finest……I can literally watch this opening on repeat without getting bored because I just loveeeee the concept of all of them being together like that :”)))

After watching member after member, team after team get eliminated, seeing them like this on one stage with such happy expressions and making a beautiful piece of music like that o MANNNNNN…. This show…… has really done something to me…

I appreciate every contestant SO MUCH and I wish I could watch everyone be together FOREVER….because knowing how artistically talented each person is on their own, to watch them join together is like the avengers times 72737446352 or something, its just talent & skill plus talent & skill stacked onto even more skill & talents and just an INFINITE amount of potential AND THAT…IS LITERALLY.. THE POWER…. OF A BAND………and of great ass music.

This show was GENIUS TO combine so many musicians from so many different backgrounds…but watching them work together to make pure art, that is so frking rewarding and heartwarming and I feel so blessed to have witnessed it all.

The genres and potential were literally limitless……I think this is what encompassed Superband for me, this is what made me enjoy it SO damn much…. I think ive finally run out of things to say… this piece of text is quite a mess, not very polished….. but I was hasty in recording my thoughts & emotions before they left me, so I tried my best.

My biggest regret with this show is that I didn’t watch it sooner. (what is really ironic is that it took me FOREVER to start the first ep, despite having tonssss of time on my hands... I had it open on one of my tabs for the longest time, but I lowkey grudgingly, eventually, forced myself to finally start it LOL..(thank god I rly did tho) I watched it 2 months after the finale, which is… kinda late? If I had watched it while it was airing, all while I was still in korea, I feel like I would’ve been EVEN MORE in love, even more fervent and passionate about everything. Digging thru old vids & watching things from contestants before they came out onto the show, seeing the artists they were, I could’ve easily gone and seen them myself probably… goddamnit I probably could’ve gone to the superband finale live show, if I had known.. I COULDVE VOTED IN REAL TIME... not that I could’ve brought myself to do it anyway, probably lol….. but basically, if I had known of this show WHILE I was there with them… I don’t know, I could’ve been a lot more active as a fan, I feel like..

Now im back to my original roots: crying in front of my laptop screen and tap-tapping away at my keyboard as a I rant to no one but myself. Being in korea made my appreciation for all kinds of artists, all my beloved ones, EVERYONE, a lot more tangible.. but being back in America… it all becomes hidden into the depths of my heart, once again…

PHEW……I think now is a good time to mention my favorite stages… as I mentioned before, the Lucy AND pre-Lucy lineup will always hold a really special place in my heart so basically all my faves include their stages LOL

‘Swim’ cover by LUCY(신예찬, 이주혁, 신광일, 조원상)

‘Hold Back The River’ cover by 신예찬, 이주혁, 신광일

‘Adventure of a Lifetime’ cover by 조원상, 김영소, 이강호, 임형빈

‘누구 없소’ cover by 케빈오, 박찬영, 신광일, 강경윤

‘선잠’ by LUCY

'Castle on the Hill’ cover by 아일, 하현상, 노마드, 홍진호

‘1000x’ cover by 아일, 하현상, 홍진호, 김형우

‘One More Light’ cover by HOPPIPOLLA(아일, 하현상, 홍진호, 김영소)

‘Cry Bird’ cover by LUCY

‘Viva La Vida’ cover by 하현상, 홍진호, 김영소

‘Flare’ by LUCY

‘Find You Again’ by People on the Bridge(이찬솔, 임형빈, 김준협, 강경윤,  김형우)

My favorite funny moments:

“이게 무슨 짓이야!!?” - mellow kitchen (the stealing of the 3 kiddo guitarists)

“okay let’s be honest, you can’t even hear the bass” - shin hyunbin 2k19

울보 팀

Hyunsang’s fam: 아일 the mom, 홍진호 the dad, 김형우 the hyung

“idk if im allowed to say this but it looked like zombie movie” - yoon jongshin, as they all gathered around the cello man

“I thought to myself, isn’t that cello expensive tho..” - yoon jongshin as youngso slapped & tapped jinho’s cello for percussion

Ah-il’s iconic castle on the hill pose

Zairo’s luck with member choosing lmao

HONG ISAK’S DANCING in ‘Time of My Life’ LOLLL IT GETS ME LAUGHING EACH TIMEEE (& all his nicknames, like eungalchi lmaooo)

Benji’s “YO-RO-BOON HAM-KAY HEY-YO” during ‘Woo-ing’

Gwanghyun’s “do-doom-tak”

Gwanghyun calling Gwang-il’s drum skills equivalent to that of a middle school band’s LOLLLL

**I watched Mone’s radio appearance on Arirang Radio where Benji is the host, and they were an absolute MESS LMAOOOOOO THEY WERE HONESTLY ALL REALLY FUNNY THOUGH.. they kept roasting the crap out of each other and laughing their asses off and man… it was gr8 time and it was really cute to discover that Hong Isaac is now a part of one of Benji’s radio shows too!

One important question I have for this show though: where tf did all the females go? Why was there no female presence at all in this show, I have no clue…… :/

At the end of the day, this show reminded me once again, how to feel happy and excited because of music. how to let great music fill my life with undeniable joy. Being able to look forward to listening to these songs every day, definitely had lifted a small part of me that has been down for all too long. I really appreciate, I am very grateful for, I just… im so thankful to have discovered this show & all its wonderful masterpieces & the beautifully, magically, PASSIONATE artists behind it all………. I needed this in my life at this point in time, I really did. 

Thank you for coming to be, Superband.

[kennothythebard]

5, 9, 11, 14, 18, 19, 26, 39, 45 (farmer refuted is pretty famously the "disliked" song in hamilton, do you like it or do you just like that one line?)

holy moly thats a lotta questions! answers under the read more bc its longggg

5. favorite fics?

oh boy i have to choose favorites???? alrighty then, they were kids that i once knew still haunts me in the best way (dear evan hansen, massive warning for character death), quite aware of what they’re going through and laugh like me again are from a weird period when i was reading breakfast club fanfic (the first is a reimagining, the second is a continuation) and i really like them both, and im just now realizing i didnt do a lot of fic reading towards the end of the decade so i cant remember which fics impacted me (mostly if i want a fic of some dynamic i write it myself lmao). But a reylo fic is pretty iconic

9. favorite tv shows?

The Good Place and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend are both incredible comedies, also Brooklyn 99, and though its a terrible terrible anime i literally cannot stop watching kakegurui (though for anime i also loved watching ouran high school host club, carole and tuesday, yuri on ice and ore monogatari)

And then of course theres steven universe which is on its own level, legend of korra, gravity falls, she-ra (pls dont let me down), over the garden wall, and infinity train (pls dont let me down season 2) and im probably forgetting a lot of shows i love

11. favorite lines/lyrics from anything that you just want to share?

if i listed all of them id never stop listing them, so here are just a few:

“And ultimately I believe we’ll be okay/It’s so cliche to say these things but repetition is a key” from “Ultimately” by khai dreams

“I’m just a drink away from honesty/so who knows what’s true?” from “Don’t Miss Me?” by Marianas Trench (and of course while we’re on MT, the entire bridge from dearly departed kills me dead each time)

“I’m not bitter, I’m just tired/No use getting angry at the way that you’re wired” from “Guiltless” and “I promise you/It’ll all make sense again” from “Secret for the Mad” both by dodie

“If we dissolved without a trace/would the real world even care?” and “Reality is a lovely place/but I wouldn’t wanna live there” from “The Real World” by Owl City

“Let me go, it’s okay/Let me go/And if I fall/I’ll fall safely” from “Safely” by MALINDA (that entire song tbh is so incredible) (oh also “Whose face is in the mirror today?/Is it me or am I in the way” from “Music Box” also by malinda) and i better stop before i just list the entire discography of all my fav artists. and thats without getting into musical theater, or even non music lines.

14. favorite celebrities?

in general i try not to get too attached to celebrities but to name a few I casually support, Rebecca Sugar, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Adam Young (Owl City), and Rachel Bloom.

18. a fandom you are glad you are no longer part of?19. a fandom that you had the best time in?

superwholock for the former (your fave is problematic lmao)

i actually still enjoy steven universe and the dear evan hansen fandom, and I loved being in the Love, Simon fandom when that was a thing. and I love being in the SCP fandom (well, more like writing for the site but whatever same diff). ultimately ive found my experience in fandom is determined by how i interact with it (i.e. dont attach your personality too strongly to a fandom, srsly. bad idea), and by participating vaguely and in moderation for these fandoms.

26. favorite look you had?

my current look is my best look. Plaid shirts, rainbow converse, bright dyed hair, hella pins, i look the best and the gayest i ever have right now

39. a heated but ultimately irrelevant debate with friends that you won?

i legit cant remember any. i guess my brother stopped trying to make “outer sporce” a thing but that wasnt super heated.

45. farmer refuted is pretty famously the "disliked" song in hamilton, do you like it or do you just like that one line?

I’m sorry, people dont like farmer refuted?????!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!! its so clever and well written and i love it. For shame! FOR SHAME!!!!

look at that! i managed to answer every question without even mentioning your username! happy new year!